Life surely gives us twists and turns, ups and downs, to flow through as we travel along in life. Our story is not a straight path but one filled with mistakes and learning, hurt and grace.
I had my first baby at 17, was married to my first husband at 18 in 2008, and from there, had 5 children and a messy, complicated divorce. I look back at my heart and ideas during those times and see my growth to the person I am today -- stilll my life is full of regrets, some keep me awake at night. However, I know if I had not followed my wild and my heart, I would not be as fully bloomed and alive as I am today. That to me, means everything. From 2013 - 2014 I dated someone who I deeply loved in a childish way -- and through that I truly found myself in the leaving, in the letting go. I have chosen to keep some of those memories here to some to see, so I feel the need to include him into my story, however, as soon as I realized how wrong for each other we were: he was no longer a part of anything of my future or life.
Let the past be what is was : a lesson.
In 2015 I met the parallel of me: a soul who instantly pulled back years of hiding and showed me what it was like to be loved, to be myself, and to fall madly in love with life and freedom. Being single for the next two years was the best years of my life. I learned to do so many things for myself, I learned to never be lonely, to not need anyone but me; and it was fantastic. I struggled with knowing when to open up to others, how to be 'just friends' . . . resulting in a pregnancy I did not expect or want. When Jamison was born in 2016, I fell madly in love with his precious face -- the unexpected and overjoyed gift.
The New Beginning.
July 2017, life was a downward spiral and raising 6 children alone had been so very hard. I was falling into a depression. Someone I barely knew, Jake Shellum, asked me to come with him to Texas, my favorite place, in his Semi. I took a leap and went, in a way to save myself from the darkness swallowing my life at that time. I went with the intention of spending time thinking and healing, and instead, I fell in love.
Jake did too. With me, and my children. He took us in, moved us to a small trailer house he found for us in two weeks. These past few years have been, intense, to say the least. A single guy who loved to drink, turned into a father, and a husband. We have had our share of battles, of questioning, of fighting each other and for each other. These past few years have been incredibly hard but incredibly wonderful as well. I hope with all of my heart this is where I belong, that this is my path in life.
Our son was born in 2018, we got married in 2019 and had our daughter and (planning/trying) last child, a little girl this year, 2020 in July. woah. so much & so blessed.
Now, we work together to continue to grow, with our loves. Like wildflowers rising through the dirt.