Thursday, January 7, 2016

2016: Redeemed (word of the year)





2015 was a year of flames: walking through fires to become gold. Not so much a transformation of myself, but a completion of who I was becoming. A completion of my strength, identity, boldness. A final freedom in allowing my wild heart to dream and truly be fearless. I completely let go of the chains put on me by others. I was constantly pushed outside of my comfort zone in order to break through and embrace my struggle, in order to defeat it. I became a survivor. I learned to love my loneliness and my independence. I was shown and moved by others into my wild heart.



2016. Redeemed. 
That's my word for this year.

God is going to fully come alive again in my heart this year.  The full circle of my journey the past three years. He has always been planted there and growing there, but this year He will bloom in my motherhood and woman hood. Sowing seeds, reaping goodness. Not 'redeemed' as in saved from trouble or heartache, I fully believe and I actually hope, that I will face many struggles this year. I can't imagine a year without the pressure that brings me to my knees, strips me bare, and pulls me more into being truer to my heart.

The debt of redemption this year that God is 'paying' for me is that my heart is solid in Him now, more than it's ever been since I welcomed him into it. He's taking this foundation and building, and building. I used to live a christian life with a very shaky foundation, a half false foundation. A foundation built on what I knew but not what was really there and God was absent there in my heart even though my actions and my words seemed so good. Others praised me and said they saw my beauty, constantly telling me how they saw God in me and how I was someone they looked up to as a Spiritual woman of Faith. However, it was so so absent. I got divorced, in 2013 I decided I could no longer swim in the shallow end, I couldn't keep living a life of mediocrity and falsehood. I was missing Him in so many ways and I was lost. So lost. So I became brave in 2013, and I set out into the darkness and I followed the tiny bit of light that He led me by. 

And for the last three years I've been transformed, broken, opened up. In so many beautiful ways. I've made mistakes, I've loved, I've taken paths I'd never thought I'd take with God. I've also been cast away. Very few of the women who once called me sister in Faith now consider me a 'stray'. And I don't care. If only they saw my heart, this foundation, it's so beautiful. It's all I ever needed and what I begged God to give to me.

 I'm here. Finally. I wasn't worried of when I would arrive. I didn't feel guilt I didn't have it. I didn't feel the typical christian pressures of becoming close to God so I could prove to the world my love for Him or His love for me. I've always loved Him. He's always loved me. There's never been a doubt. I trusted Him to take me away somewhere unknown; and after realizing how much of this wild heart is a wanderer, I can't help but see His reasoning perfectly. He knew I couldn't be transformed where I was at, He knew I would require something more.

For the first time in my life I have a very solid vision and a very set path.
I know exactly who I am made to be, 
the foundation of me, 
the foundation of my soul.
my heart.
of love.
I know what I need to do.
I can feel the reward, I'm not afraid. 
I'm committed to magnificent growth and achievement, 
whatever that might be for this year.  



I purpose to. 
I found this beautiful printable from one of my favorite godly women writers. 
I read her blogs almost daily. They've brought so much wisdom to my heart! 
You can visit her blog here, and pick up a copy of this for free as well. 























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