Welcome to the world Bentley Michael. . .

Bentley was born into the world today. . . 7lbs 2oz, 18.5 inches long. 5:44pm.  He is beautiful!  My husband is an uncle!!  His little brother has become a Daddy --- wow....

My heart is so joyful, burdened, sad, exhausted.

Bentley's heartrate and oxygen started dropping dramatically. They said it's because of mucous, but here we are almost eight hours later and he is not doing any better, in fact, they are transferring him to St.Cloud right now because he isn't getting better. So hard. So frustrating.

It's not supposed to be this way.  Babies are supposed to be lifted from the womb to the mother's chest and they bond there, they are safe there. They aren't supposed to be removed so harshly, so early, drugged up and confused.  Mariah hasn't even gotten to hold him.  It breaks my heart.  :(

Cj and Oakley came with me. We got to see Bentley for about a minute, as he sat in the warmer crying -- and then I saw the nurse quickly flip him up and over and rub his back hard. I knew there was something wrong right away. And sure enough he was rushed into the nursery to be monitored. Poor baby.

The whole way down there I just felt a sense of something wrong in my spirit. I cried so much.I felt like something was wrong and my emotions were very high and my heart was uneasy. 

I almost broke down and cried when Mikey brought Cj up to the nursery door. Cj just wanted to see Bentley, it was so so sad...Oakley tried to look in as well, he knew there was a baby and wanted to see him. Babies shouldn't be separated.. there is just no reason they can't let him be with his family. He is just sitting there, crying in the warmer in a different room with a shut door. They are doing no tests and have suctioned him beyond what they can. No doctor is in there, just a nurse watching him.  Why do they not try and initiate contact and bonding more?  I am heartbroken for the loss of these precious moments for my brother and sister. I know it's not their fault, they are doing what they are told and that's what they believe is best.  For us, it would be a different outcome and scenario. There's no way my baby would be away from me, not unless he was dying-- just no way.  I know how it feels to have your baby stripped from you, to actually hold them hours later and to have that bonding so far after they have been born. It makes me so sad to remember those feelings; and to know that Mike and Mariah will have them too. Their situation is different, I know that. But deep inside we still know what is right and how things should be. Mother's long to hold, nuzzle and nurse their babies -- deep in our hearts we know the way we were created.  

I pray for healing, strength, comfort and wisdom; for all of us affected by the heartache of this and Bentley's condition.