A Journey in Breastfeeding . . .
My breastfeeding stories and awakenings:
Breastfeeding Lily and Elizabeth ended at around four months. Despite wanting to breastfeed them both fully, I admit that I let the world: doctors, stress, other people, everyone BUT God; influence my thoughts and attitude on feeding them.
When Lily was born Chris and I were not married. We were both Christians, but we were stumbling all over the place with our walk with God. We were not in a good relationship with Him. Our choices were based on what we thought was okay and highly influenced by the world around us: hence me being pregnant before we were married in the first place. We were told by his 'christian' parents that we could live togehter in their home, as long as we didn't sleep together (which we didn't want to do anyways -- we knew it was wrong); and as long as I finished High School. At that point in time, I was trying hard to listen to what God was telling me, but also struggling to hear His voice among the rest of the world. This greatly, greatly affected my parenting, mothering, and our life. Looking back now, I would not have finished school. I would not have lived with Chris -- I would have either lived on my own, or had us get married right away so we could be a true family. Going to school, fighting with Chris, struggling to stay pure while living with someone I had sinned with, feeling lonely and abandoned, having his parents continually cut me down for my good parenting decisions. . . . all of this led to supplementing with formula and then eventually the loss of my milk supply. I also had a Thyroid disorder called: Post-Partum Hypothyroidism and the artificial hormones the doctors had me take decreased my milk immensely.
I have given this all to God, but I still feel great pain for my daughter and how our choices affected her. She was sick and suffered for months because of formula. She became detached as we would get lazy and put her in the carseat, with a propped bottle to eat constantly. Our poor little girl. All she wanted was her mommy to be there and love her as God designed for us; and our sins and mindset affected her. It did break her spirit and to this day. . . we are still mending those scars in her.
When we became pregnant with Elizabeth, I devoted myself to actually being able to breastfeed her. I had to do it this time! Even through Mastitis and Thrush (ouch!), we made it quite aways in feeding. Satan devoured my heart by stressing me out -- the conflict of being the mother the world says I should've been and being the mother God created us to be took over. I fetl constantly pulled and pushed to formula and just a 'little break'. My heart was SO stressed and I was NOT calling on the one person I needed most: my best friend Jesus. Only He could calm my heart. We started supplementing with formula. . . and I also got the Post-Partum Hypothyroidism back again. Despite God tugging at my heart to not take the medication (ever get that gut feeling that this is wrong, but trust the doctors instead?), I started taking it and soon my milk was very low (from what I could tell). Elizabeth liked the instant fullness of the formula and bottle and despite buying the best bottle, closest to the feel of a real breast . . she would scream and cry and cry when I tried to feed her. Everytime that she did eat, she would sleep for hours -- almost all day. I figured it was the medicine. On December 4th I cried and cried and cried and gave up breastfeeding her. (I'm even crying as I write this).
On May 6th we were shocked to find out that I was 5 months pregnant! (yeah, I had NO idea). I started researching birth and pregnancy and came across communities of mothers who were 'natural' and very supportive of how were designed to parent/mother. I also found an amazing book, by christian authors, about 'attachment parenting' and at first, was very against their approach, even wondering if they were really christians. I didn't understand how children could be parented that way and not be spoiled, but as time went on, God really spoke to my heart and I finally opened it to His design for parenting and closed it to the world. It was then that I realized all of our mistakes: all of the lies that satan and doctors and the world told us that we believed. Lies that made us create patterns of sin in our children's lives. I knew what I needed to do this time in breastfeeding our little boy and I was confident and steady -- because my foundation of truth was now resting on God -- not doctors or other people.
Christopher James December was born on August 2nd, at home.
These are the things we did and did not do, to keep our breastfeeding relationship going strong:



Nursing: The picture of Love to your baby

Our Journey

I did, again, get Post-Partum Hypothyroidism; but this time I did not take any medicines for it. For about three months I lost a lot of hair, was extremely tired (could've slept all day), sore, achey and 'down'. I did not lose weight and remained at my post-pregnancy weight. It was hard. I cried a lot, prayed a lot. But in December it stopped and I am thrilled to still be breastfeeding. I do not clearly remember the aches of my body or tiredness like I did while going through it but I enjoy feeding my little boy and cuddling with him and loving him. The Joy comes in the Morning!!
My absolute favorite moments nursing him . . . .
when he would look up at me and smile while trying to eat . . . haha - it doesn't work that way Bud! It was the absolute cutest thing ever . . .

( I hate them because they hurt me, but love them because it's my little monster boy who does them. I think little boys like to pick on their Mommies to show their affection.)
He loves to keep his suction and violently rip off if he sees or hears his daddy . . . which Chris adores but isn't to pleasant for me! It do laugh at it though -- he is my little monster and his daddy is the accomplice.
Just recently he will grab and put it into his own mouth. Surprisingly his grabs and pulls usually do not hurt. Most of the time, he is pinchy grabbing it while he is eating and it looks painful, but doesn't hurt me at all. (usually).
He loves to swat at my face and pull my hair or scratch my chest. lol.
He continually has to kick my arm . . . I have a constant bruise on my bicep from this . . .
Have breastfeeding questions? Need support? Contact me!