Sunday, September 26, 2010

Unequally Yoked

Christopher Nicholas and Leah Ann Sandretzky



Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

{This, even though it is long, is very brief. I would probably have to write a book to explain all the things that happened in our relationship and why and how we transitioned. Maybe, someday I will!! Until then, just take this for how it is and don’t make assumptions on anything that is totally unclear. It’s meant to be brief and un-detailed at this moment! Feel free to contact me with questions on anything, I‘m more than glad to answer anything or talk about how we went so wrong in our relationship!}
Chris and I met when I was 12 and he was 13. (Grades 7 & 8) It was September of 2002. I was at the park with my siblings and he was there with our cousin Jeramiha. We first looked into each other’s eyes on the merry-go-round. I thought he was cute and he says that he’d never before noticed a girl’s eyes like that. We both secretly felt something. The next day at school I made it my mission to find this adorable boy I had met. I convinced my friends that we should start hanging out with his friends, so we did. On October 4th, Chris told his friend to go ask a girl out (my friend). His friend came and asked me if I would go out with Chris. I said yes and with little knowledge to Chris we started dating! Even though it wasn’t his intention to date me, eventually we both fell hard for each other.













Chris was raised in a Christian home and he had been falling in his relationship with God. He knew what was right, and what he should be doing in his life but he was around a lot of non-Christians. He had still held up his morals, and was actually witnessing to them on a small level; along with his parents. Until I entered his life. We started being sexual, doing almost everything but having actual intercourse. We came very close one time, but never did actually have sex. Chris compromised a lot for me; and eventually it tore him down completely. Other girls started giving him a lot of attention because of our relationship. They would flirt with him constantly, spread rumors about him, spank him on the butt; it was horrible. Eventually my friends joined in on the rumors; trying to get us to break up. Chris didn’t know what to do with the girls; and him and I never talked about anything important like our lives together or what our friends were doing so what everyone was doing wore away at us. One day, in defense, Chris grabbed a girls breast to get her away from him. yeah, sounds reeeally stupid - I know…he does too J. That was one of the last straws for me. Those girls also started going to our Youth Group with us too and even trying to get Chris away from me there. I was so heartbroken. We dated for 8 months (fairly long for the relationship world of middle schoolers). I broke up with Chris on May 4th 2003 because of the girls and the fact that he couldn’t just tell me what was going on. I wanted us to talk but he wouldn’t. I had hoped breaking up with him would’ve caused him to fight for me, like all girls want. (Little did I know: there was a man already fighting for my heart. Chris knew Him and would later bring me to Him.) Chris ended up dating one of the girls (his one and only girlfriend besides me), and I dated one of his friends just to make him jealous. Which, did work, but Chris never told me until the second time we dated. Chris went to high school after that school year; and I went the year after: 2004-2005. We would see each other in school but immediately look away. He was still such a cutie!


In my tenth grade year I was dating an older man, started hanging around bad friends and soon spiraled down into drugs and immoral acts. My mom brought me to Youth Group again one night and I saw Chris again. I sat there and watched him play guitar and my heart fluttered. The next day I told my friend that I liked him. I started going to Youth Group every Wednesday.


(above: us in Youth Group)

 In a few weeks, Chris asked me out to lunch. We started dating again that day: on March 24th, 2006. There was one condition to us dating Chris said: we had to take things slow and no sex. This boy had a heart for God, something I didn’t understand then but understand now. I thought not having sex was really strange - especially considering what we had done in our first relationship…but it was sort of romantic too. Chris taught me about God and brought me to church. I stopped smoking and drinking and swearing. I first felt the Holy Sprit on May 14th; that day I started a personal relationship with Jesus, meaning He was no longer just some religion, but my reason for living. As I got closer, Chris fell down in his relationship with God. He compromised for me, again and his strength to say no fell away as he fell in love with me. On we went to church and heard about True Love Waits. We signed a card that night to each other, saying we’d stay pure until marriage. I was so excited to stay abstinent until marriage! We were so dedicated in that commitment. But it wasn’t hard to slowly let go of that commitment as we continued to push our boundaries with each other. And God wasn’t in the heart of our commitment; and He wasn’t in the heart of my life because I had first started a relationship with Chris, and God filled in the spaces. It should’ve been the other way around.






We were way too physical, cuddling and kissing all the time. And even though Chris brought me to God because of dating me, he should’ve lead me to God before dating. I had fell deeply in love with God while we were dating but I couldn’t focus on deepening my relationship or morals or truly changing my heart because I was putting all of my energy and concentration into Chris. We had sex for the first time in June. It felt strange in my heart because I knew it was wrong. Instead of it being beautiful I just kept trying to justify it in my mind. We were scared of being caught, trying to hurry and forcing God out of our minds and hearts. Definitely not the way making love should be. We should’ve been able to rejoice with God in the beauty of sex; and take the time to take each other in and just love each other.




I was Chris’s first but he wasn’t mine. I can’t even begin to explain the way I regretted and still do regret not saving myself . . . not only for him, but for marriage with him. He doesn’t have the pleasure of being the only man to be with me. He has to share me physically and he has to share a part of my soul. I shared my heart, gave up myself to another man; and I will always have that memory and little chunk of my heart not available for Chris. I’m so glad I didn’t sleep with a ton of people; but very very regretful over the one I did sleep with. I’ve apologized to Chris so much; thankfully he is a sweetheart and he has given his grief of being my second to the Lord.


We said we should stop but never could. Chris felt very convicted but he could never give me up for God; which is what needed to happen. I was still stubborn minded and it made Chris have grudges toward me. Again, like before I was getting in the way of him and God. And this time he was getting in the way of me and God.


No one in my life actually sat me down and told me why it was important not to; how much better your relationship together would be. No one explained why our relationship was wrong. Chris knew but he couldn’t give me up for God; with how stubborn I was he was afraid he would lose me forever. When, really staying with me made us stay together but the quality of our relationship diminish. No one stood up for us: Not his christian parents, not our church, no one. In fact, they made things worse by bullying us. Instead of being loving and non-condemning; I felt so hurt by them. It made me not even care what they thought. I wish someone would’ve been nice and fought for us instead of fighting against us. No one stood up for us; they stood against us. I’m sure it was hard for them, a lot of them struggling in their own lives at the time. I guess God just didn’t want anyone to show us that love; or they didn’t act on it when He did.






I got pregnant in November 2006. That is when we started the long fight to fix our relationships with God and ourselves. We faced a lot of hate from people who were supposed to love us. It was so hard. Having a baby and a family was supposed to be a wonderful, exciting experience. This wasn’t. . . .





. . . It was a battle. Chris seemed to disappear. He seemed ‘gone’ most of the time. He used to write me beautiful letters and was so full of life; now he just didn’t care about anything. It hurt but I had so much to concentrate on: the baby, where to live, struggling to stop having sex. Both of us started to like other people; and we had to fight of those feelings as well. Everything sort of fell apart. We still loved each other, so, so much; but all these things were getting in the way…obstacles we chose to put in our lives by having sex and being unequally yoked.


Our daughter, Lily, was born in July 2007. She was so beautiful!

I had moved into Chris’s parents house since I had no place else to live. We slept separately: him downstairs and me upstairs. We would still get too close and have sex; but it was very very rare. We were doing much better than we ever had. That year in October I became very very close to God again; more than ever before. (we also got engaged on my birthday! October 23rd). Chris still seemed lost. He was gone all the time at work and I was lonely. His parents were very mean at times to us; it was so so hard to try and be a family while we weren’t married and be living with another family who tried to control our decisions. Satan was really attacking us and using others against us. I started to fall away from God again and I turned to another guy looking for love. I started to like him, which put even more stress on Chris and I’s relationship. Chris started coming ‘back’ and being more himself but I was so angry and bitter at him; at his parents. They were so mean and I just wanted someone to support us for once. I knew that liking someone else was very wrong and I started to get that boy out of my life as much as possible. Even six months later, after Chris and I had gotten married, if I saw him I would have to fight so hard against Satan to keep thoughts and feelings away. It didn’t help that he seemed to like me too. That year after Lily was born and before our marriage we both got so much closer to God, yet we struggled so, so much. It was the fight of our lives, I’m so thankful God gave us the strength to stay faithful and pull through.

 


In June I moved out of Chris’s parents into my grandparents house. I couldn’t take the way we were being treated anymore at his parents. Chris stayed at his parents and we lived separately. Things got a lot better during that time; and we were regaining our relationship with God. I no longer thought about or liked that other boy. We started really planning our wedding and were so excited to become a family again!! In august we found a trailer house to rent and I moved in there with Lily. Chris and I would be there all day together and at night we would go to his parents to sleep.






We were married on October 4th, 2008 and finally were united as one in Christ! Our family was complete! It felt so amazing! Our wedding was the best day of my life with Chris! That night we finally were able to enjoy sex for what God created it to be and it was amazing!

              
                           
                                           
                               



This October, as we approach our two year anniversary we are finally giving up each other for God. Even though we were able to regain our ground with God once we were married, we still have never given up each other for him. As I’ve recently became very close to God, I felt it placed on my heart for Chris and I to ‘fast’ from each other…to sort of start over. It took him awhile to finally open up his heart and say that he was ready to let me go for God. We started our ‘renewal’ on September 18th, and Chris finally, really took it seriously and completely gave me up yesterday, September 25th. He was really being attacked by Satan and even accused me of being ‘lost’ and not having a relationship with God. It didn’t take him long to see what was really happening and he finally said he knew it was time to let go. I think that this will really help us to finally start totally fresh. We should’ve given up each other a long time ago. If I had understood things in the months before we were married as I understand them now, I would’ve even had us give up kissing or touching (holding hands and hugs, I mean); and had us start to worship God alone rather than together. We have never really created a good praise habit in our home. After we were married we would read the bible and pray before bed most nights but soon we slipped away with that. We’ve both been procrastinating so much on so many things with our family and ourselves and this is the time to set things right! We haven’t and won’t make love again until our anniversary….which is a super, super long time for us! ;}


We are still seeking and asking God what exactly we should do on our anniversary, but I’ve been given some hints of a sort of ceremony. Chris and I are going to be reading Song of Songs together every night before bed, we aren’t kissing except for little pecks to say goodbye and we aren’t seeing each other naked. I felt this was a good time to write our story of dating; since we are in the process of finally doing what should’ve been done a long time ago.


I really feel like God deserves this. It is a long time for married people to stay fasted from each other; but it is nothing compared to the amount of time we stole away from God by staying together unequally. This is our gift to Him, our sacrafice. So we can love and praise Him right! The way we should’ve in the first place!




In love, In Christ
7 comments on "Unequally Yoked"
  1. This is an amazing post... thank you SO much for being so transparent and sharing!! I have a 13 year old; we have conversations about why to wait to have sex until married, how it does so much more damage than the you think, and why having a boyfriend early in your teen years can be a bad idea (she's totally committed to Christ and courtship). I can't wait to have her read this, to give her someone's ACTUAL story on what can happen, and how difficult life can be when you choose another path.
    I'm so glad it sounds like things turned around for you and your husband. I hope your "sacrifice" was what you guys needed, and brought you both close to Christ in a new way. And yes, a week (?) IS a long time! ;)
    I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts! Be encouraged in your walk!
    Laura C.

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  2. Thank you for the encouragement!! I'm so so glad to hear that you are talking with her -- it is so important for girls and boys to actually here *why* it is best to wait, then just 'you shouldn't have sex'; like we heard. I have huge heart to help and educate young girls on this subject -- it is so rewarding to hear that our story may help others! I do plan on writing more posts, specifically on the subject of sex and waiting -- the things we lost and why we fell. I hope those will be able to encourage her in her committment as well! Let me know if you have any questions or want to know any advice in supporting her purity; or if she has any questions for me I would love to talk to her! :)

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  3. Oh and yes, our little 'break' was wonderful. My husband fought the idea for awhile -- Satan was trying all he could to break the idea in my heart. As soon as Chris and I disagree or he doesn't act the way he should, Satan whispers for me to put up walls or pull away and dismiss what I was fighting for or what God is telling me. I'm a very good listener to those lies unfortanetly and it's something I battle with day to day. Thankfully, in this case I stayed strong and persistent -- I knew what was right and what God wanted; and like I mentioned in the post, we had hurt Him enough . . . I wasn't going to let it happen again. Eventually Chris realized why it was important (after a lot of me reading bible verses about fasting and why it's important to God), and although he had respected my wishes and hadn't done anything -- he stopped begging me or trying to peak while I was changing; and he realized how important the fast was and why. So it wasn't a perfect fast, but in the end it brought us closer. He is very open to doing it again; and we hope to sometime soon. It definitely strenghtens your relationship because you value sex and what it was created for so much more when it's over with. We also did a little studying on sex in the bible (song of songs), and some books about it. C:

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  4. Hey lady,
    I stumbled on your blog after I saw your comment on She Breaths Deeply.
    The post about babywise.

    And so...I've spent the last hour or so looking at/reading your blog.

    There is so much I agree with you on...
    and I suppose that I'm writing you because its rare to find that in the blogging world.
    Love to talk to you more:P
    -Alyssa

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  5. Alyssa: I'm so glad you found me! I just scanned over your blog also and it does seem we are both on the same paths (: neat! Thank you for coming and saying Hi. Lets definitely keep in touch! Talk to me/write me anytime about anything! :) :)
    Do you have a facebook? Feel free to add me if you do,
    facebook.com/BabyDollSandretzky

    Walking with the King, in love, in Christ,
    ~Leah

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  6. Brittney HolmgrenJanuary 02, 2012

    I finally have some access to a computer so I got to see your blog! I love it! I cannot wait to get pregnant again... and 'attempt' a homebirth, or at least a hospital birth with MY choices. I LOVED your video of Christopher's birth, so beautiful. I love how Chris was able to be right there and catch him. Hopefully you'll be in the area and could help me out when the time comes :) Just so you know, you are very inspiring :) I can't wait to read more!

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  7. I cried <3 may God wrap His incredible arms around you, your husband and all your kids He's so so proud! much love and please pray for me.

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